No, I Was Not High

So last night I had a fucked up dream and it would either make a good Harry Turtledove novel, or a bad Jerry Bruckheimer film. Or vice versa.

I'm in Washington DC and its like 1920, but there is a war going on between the north and the south. I'm in the north and we are winning, its near the end of the war and we have the south on the ropes, but then we are attacked by the English. We have to scurry to bomb shelters to hide from their bombers, but the bomb shelters resemble the new North Hills mall and we are hiding between Chick-Fila and 5 Brothers Burgers. Not the best place to be hiding from bombers, but its okay because the planes only have one bomb and its the size of a football. The planes aren't much bigger than my old Geo, but are very maneuverable, like a genie or air elemental. The only damage the planes do is when one of them turns on end, with its propeller straight down and buzzsaws into the crowd of people, liquifying them instantly.

This sickens the population and the north and south put their differences aside and decide to attack England, France and Germany. My family opens a store that sells old style record players, the kind that are the player and speaker all in one. You can also put a cover on it and carry it around with you and it was the size of my G4 tower. We also sell records, but most of them have been damaged by mold. I did find three Rolling Stones records in the bins, Black & Blue, Emotional Rescue and Some Girls.

Then, Nicole Kidman (posing as our mother), my sister and I sneak into England. Nicole is caught in the train station by security, but me and my sister continue on to complete our mission. We enter the house of the Minister of War and tie up the first secretary we see (played by John Cleese), then enter the next room and rip the phone out of the hands of the next secretary (also played by John Cleese) and tie him up with the cord. Finally we enter the residence of the Minister of War and immobilize the entire family and kidnap his newborn baby. Apparently that was our mission. I stuff the baby in a hiking backpack and wait to see if it cries. When it doesn't we turn to leave.

The End.