Do Ducks Have Au Pairs?

I sure hope so, because I saw a duck surrounded by 10 baby ducklings this afternoon at the lake. Now, I know my knowledge of ducks is limited to they quack and they are hard to cook properly, but 10 seems like an awful lot of babies for one duck to have. This means she laid a minimum of 10 eggs, again, this seems like a large number for one duck to lay.

Now these might have been small eggs, and the thought of hearing her loudly quack "You did this to me!" at least 10 times is kind of funny. But 10, that quantifies as a fuck load.














This is for Lane. I found a site that my friend put up long ago about the 'band' I 'played' in before I moved to NC. I guess I am on the web.

Bloat

The End Of An Era

Unless someone sees me tomorrow morning, the next time anyone will see me will be with my new car. After 9.03 long years the Metro will be sold and I will be the owner of a 2005 Ford Focus ZX3S 2D Hatchback. Technically the bank will own the car until I pay it off, but thats just semantics.

Nine long years, almost 60,000 miles. It will be sad to see Polly go, she was a good car. After 13 years she still got 36+ miles per gallon, which is good considering she is missing parts. Apparently Metro parts are very hard to come by and instead of replacing them, my mechanic has removed them. Telling me that I didn't need them, a sensor here, a computer chip there, etc.

I've abused her (a dozen trips to NY), ignored her (just 9 tanks of gas in 2001), but most of all, loved her. Nine years is longer than I had my first two cars combined. The Honda Accord (Daphne) got wrapped around a telephone pole, and the Dodge Colt (Liz) needed to be put to sleep after just 12 months. I can only hope that the new car will last as long as the old one.

Like any relationship there are things I will miss and things I could do without:

PRO:
-still 36+ mph
-who's gonna steal a Metro?
-turning radius of a helium atom
-easy to wrap
-impossible to get a speeding ticket (Metro's top speed is approx 88mph, tough to tell as the speedometer stops at 85)
-haven't had to be designated driver for the past 4 years ("That's your car? You can drive mine.")

CON:
-no CD player
-being hit on the head by the hatch falling suddenly
-8 gallon gas tank
-heat barely functional, A/C worse
-everyone's going to want to ride in it (maybe)
-the lingering smell of oil & gas for 3 days after I filled the tank
-men on Segways pass the Metro on inclines

I will miss not having hubcaps, I will miss not having to wash my car, I will miss all the squirrel/chipmunk jokes about the 3-cylinder engine, I will miss the 8-year old crack in the windshield. I will miss you Polly.


Listening To: iTunes folder 'Older Missing Mid Length 4+ Stars'

Tired

I'm fuckin tired. Inventory is over, its 3am, reguardless of what the time at the bottom of the post says. Bed is calling, my feet are screaming, i dont know what the hell i am posting.

I Still Want The Robot Stealth Monkeys

The motherfuckers that were stealing dvds were caught! We nailed those sons of bitches, although the real credit must go to the people at Edward McCay who called us when they got there to sell the stolen DVDs. It was a great fuckin day to be at work. More than one person said they had never seen me smile this much. Its been a long time since a day at work was so much fun.
After being reamed by shoplifters for hundreds of years, its nice to see some of them get caught. Its even nicer to see them sitting in the back of a police car in front of the store. Fuck yeah! Rot in jail you fucks!
It could have been better though; if, when they were speeding through the parking lot to escape they had run over the guy with the jungle helmet. That would have been the greatest day in the history of the world. Bar none. Although today was one of the best days ever at work.

The sad part is it was only 1 pair of shoplifters and until we get our robot stealth monkeys and trap door in the vestibule, it will happen again. And again. Now I'm sad.

But wait, we caught somefucks! Got back $660 bucks! Fuck yeah! Happy again! Have fun in jail fucks! Don't drop the soap! Ha ha ha ha! Fuck yeah!

Open Letter To The Writers Of Lost

If you don't start answering some questions I will drive to North Dakota, break into a missile silo, dispatch the armed guards, figure out how to launch a missile and then nuke the cast, crew and set of Lost out of existance.

Multi seasonal story arcs are great, a little mystery is good, things coming out of left field are fine; but if all I have is questions after the end of season 2, someone will die a most horrid death. Maybe even Hurley, that way it won't be all in his mind and you'll have to come up with another explination for your entire show.


Listening to: Dr John - Gris-Gris

Demented And Sad

Being a self-professed rock snob sucks. I am compelled to fill in my library with so-called 'classic' albums usually for no other reason than to say "I got that" when I look through music magazines/books that contain a list of great albums of some kind. I am also compelled to get albums on these lists that I don't have.

For example, the lastest issue of Uncut lists the top 50 Greatest Cosmic American Albums. I had 11. I ordered 4 more. Why? I still don't know. Could I live without Shuggie Otis' "Inspiration Information" or Doctor John's "Gris-Gris"? Probably. Would my library be complete without these? Yes... maybe... not sure. But I can't stop. Acquiring music is my compulsion, not listening to it, but acquiring it. I don't have enough time to thoroughly listen and enjoy all the music I get. Much of the new stuff I get I'll listen to once or twice, rate it in iTunes and then hope it shows up again when I hit random.

In my neverending quest to complete my library I've searched high and low for some kind of uberlist of 'classic' albums. Needless to say there isn't one, nor will there ever be one that isn't at least 10,000+ albums long. But I must continue to search and feed the monster that is my library, filling it in with Bowie catalog albums, genre boxsets (like Nuggets or Motown) and greatest hits by the Buzzcocks and The Fall, for no other reason than its what I do and who I am.

My library defines who I am, and sadly I've had this reoccuring fantasy that I will find my soul mate when I find the person who 'completes' my library the most with the 'classic' albums that I still don't have. Currently this means my soul mate is someone with a penchant for female singer-songwriters (Joni Mitchell, Kate Bush, Bjork), old country-western (the Carter Family, Hank Williams Sr), electronica, blues, reggae and world music.

Whoever she is, she will walk into the store wearing her Aphex Twins t-shirt, humming something off of "Court and Spark" and want to know which Elvis Costello album to get after "My Aim Is True" and "This Years Model", which cd to begin her Richard Thompson collection with and if "Astral Weeks" by Van Morrison is really worth it. Over several cups of tea we will discuss the top 5 Dylan albums, the wonder of Ella Fitzgerald and if The Flaming Lips are currently the 'Worlds Best Rock and Roll Band'. Then when she says that "The Weight" is her favorite song in the world, I will ask her to marry me.




This post got completely off track. All I wanted was to show a link to this website.

Listening to - Prince - 3121, My Morning Jacket - Z & The Flaming Lips - The Soft Bulletin